Hihi.... i decided not to post on the nite of huang cheng performance after all. Hands trembling to project some form of imprint here. Wonder why? Since i never planned to stay anyway. I already had a plan. a plan to go national junior college. hwa chong was too " cheena" and "mug" for me.
....Or so i thought.

Well. i got my plan riiight on track. it still is. only now.. that plan i drew up wasn't right at all. 06s65.. hahz... you all drew mi a new map. one i couldn't follow. one that got snatched away. one that led me back on my plain, boring path. Amazing what a minuscule fraction of your lifespan can do to you eh?

i stare at hci's clocktower today. And i wonder, Why such an eyesore blocking the view from njc's canteen? Hatred.. despair..everything. For people who posted things like "s65 forever", great, you managed to fake abit. i faked a bit too. the mask din last long. it melted and revealed a "sianed" face. no matter how you fake it, you are cheating yourself of your true feelings.
How many times have i begged people for an appeal? I even begged people until they buckled under me. I begged today even for a chance to stay in hci, just for s65. begged more times than i have had in my life. Slapped in the face by fate. over and over and over. I can't take it. Thow face to everyone.
That ain't the worse. The worst is that i come back for more.. and it hurts even harder. i'm selling pride for a place in hci... and i feel it's worth it.

People tell me to kan4 kai1. but how to do that when flashes of all of you people pop up in my head when i glimpse the red roofs of hci from njc's canteen.All the smiling faces blocking my view of everything... i can't pretend i'm happy. neither will i sae that i'm okay. i'm NOT. an intangible piece of me was left at the class bench. and i'll never claim it.

It's ALL your FAULT s65. ALL OF YOU... should DAMNED RITE feel GUILTY for...
1.giving me a brief glimpse of life that was better than my 10 yrs in catholic high( you all only had 2months)
2.Making me feel like i am finally PART of something.
3.making me feel like school is something to look forward to
4.making me curse you all for being so close to my heart
5.making mi dao every single njc student i have come across
6.being behind me(of coz this doen't apply when we are running 2.4km)
7.making mi cry under my covers this very day.

I don't deserve half of it. thanks.... (T-T)
i will continue holding my hand over the scar where i lost a piece of spirit to ya'll.

Yepz..


I'll feel safer that way...

Edit: now i have posted this i dun't feel better. i feel worse when i know it is useless. pain...